jag’s super duper tips for first time travelers

I thought I was hot shit heading to Europe with my Gore-Tex boots, ski coat, and hiking pack in lieu of the traditional suitcase. That feeling lasted for about two seconds after stepping off the plane in Munich.

It doesn’t matter what you do - it’ll take a native half a glance to nail you as an American. Hell, by the time we were going through customs on the way home, I could pick my fellow countrymen out of the mixed crowds. While it’s not bad, really, to be an American overseas (at least where we were), it’s also not something you want to advertise. It’s not just about being from the States, it’s about your behavior and look screaming “I’m a tourist! I have lots of cash on me! Look at my sweet digital camera with which I’ll be too busy taking pictures of that wiener-schnitzel vendor to notice you sneaking my passport and wallet out of my pocket!”

So, while I did plenty of reading up on packing lists and trip preparation and had just about everything I needed, below are some tips I wish I’d found in one of my books (Note that some of these are specific to German speaking countries, and possibly only to Germany and Austria, not that I’d know, since I haven’t been anywhere else. Since the French or English or whoever are possibly totally different from Germans and Austrians, I’ll just call the people ‘locals’ rather than ‘Europeans’):

1. Tone down the wardrobe
99% of the locals were in dark colors. Blacks, browns, tans, blues, etc. My white coat and white undershirts glowed like Frodo’s sting sword in an Orc orgy. It may not bother you, but I was so desperate to melt into the background and just absorb the scenery that my anxiety seriously affected my ability to enjoy my surroundings as they deserved. I felt much better on the days when I could just wear my black fleece (purchased in a Munich department store, on sale thanks) and a scarf. Imagine too, if I looked that out of place in a white winter coat, what kind of vibe the men we saw in red grandpa plaid, black socks and white tenny pumps gave off.

2. Learn the language
I’m not saying be fluent, I’m just suggesting you learn enough to order food, buy something in a store, greet people politely, and ask if they speak English. Almost everybody we apprached spoke a little English, but at least try to start the conversation in the native language. It shows that you have respect for the people you’re speaking to, and they’ll be much more willing to communicate with you if you make the effort. If you know someone who is fluent or has been to your destination, talk to them to see if they can fill you in on some of the lesser know speaking habits.

For instance, in Bavaria, people say “Grüß Gott!” (God is great! or God bless you!) as a greeting, much like we here in the South would say “How y’all doin’?”, but in other places in Germany people won’t even make eye contact if you pass them on the street. A shopkeeper will say Bitte schön! (you’re welcome) when handing you your purchase, and it’s meant well, unlike here, where if somebody says “you’re welcome” before you say “thank you” it’s meant to be pretty freaking sarcastic.

A couple other key phrases with which I managed to get by:
Schreiben? - Write it? (comes in handy when you need a purchase total and the person selling speaks only German)
Bitte - Please (use this A LOT)
Danke schön! - Thank you (use this a lot, too)
Tschüs! - Heh. That’s the first time I’ve seen this word in print. I mentally pictured it spelled as ‘choos’. It means so long! or see you later! and the nicer shopkeepers and such will say it to when you leave their store.
Wie viele? - How much?

…and there’s tons more. Invest in a phrase book. Make sure you learn the numbers, at least up to 10. You can order just about any food by saying the number you want and pointing at it.

3. Know your public bathroom etiquette
Bathrooms, or WCs, or loos, or whatever, are a bit different. You’re going to be asked to pay for the pleasure of using some, so keep some extra change in your pocket, especially if you’ll be travelling through train stations and such. It cost me a buck and a half to wee at the Munich train station. So what if a dude all dressed in white came in and wiped the seats between each pee-er. If there’s an attendent sitting outside the door of your restroom, you’re expected to tip them. Just put a coin on that little plate they’re sitting next to and they’ll let you know you have toilet paper sticking out of your pants before you go back into the restaurant.

4. Know your restaurant etiquette
When a server asked to close out with us because his shift was over, it wasn’t because his shift was actually over. It was because we were Americans and apparently we have reputations of being boars. It happens, but it’s not all bad, and not all servers are like that. Knowing how you’re supposed to act helps - if you pay with a credit card, tell your server how much tip you’d like added on when you hand over the plastic, don’t write it in when you sign. If you want bottled water, order mineral water ohne gas (no gas, no carbonation). Unless you prefer the bubbles. Most importantly, be adventurous. Order things you’d never think to try at home. They taste better there, I promise. I ate a pile of saurkraut with a fork. I can barely handle warming canned kraut in a covered pan here. And don’t forget to drink plenty of beer!

5. Take your medicines with you
I can’t stress this enough. All three of us ended up sick with some respiratory and sinus crud during our trip. GOOD THING - you can walk into an apotheke in Germany, tell the pharmacist your ailments, and they’re able to diagnose you and give you prescription grade meds (in our case, expectorant and throat numbing drops). BAD THING - apothekes, drugstores, and supermarkets almost all close by 7. There are no Walgreens or 24 hour Kroger pharmacies. There is nowhere to get Advil Cold & Sinus in the middle of the night. And fair warning, there are no Puffs with Lotion to be found.

By the last day of the trip, I’d searched every possible option for some Neosporin or Vaseline to put on my cracked nose and lip. It wasn’t until I walked up to a pharmacist in a last ditch attempt to find out what elusive store might carry pure petroleum (I was desperate) that I learned that they keep that shit behind the counter and you have to ask for it. I would have made love to both that tube of Vaseline and that pharmacist if I’d felt just a tad bit better.

Lesson learned - take your Benedryl, your Ibuprofen, your Icy Hot, whatever, take it with you if you think you’ll need it in a pinch.

6. Ladies, forgo the purse and carry a backpack for day trips. You don’t want to keep your money or passport in a purse anyway, since it can be stolen so easily, and if you buy anything you can put it in your backpack. Seriously. A purse is a mighty burden if you don’t absolutely have to have it.

7. If you buy groceries, you will have to pay for a plastic bag if you want one. Another reason to have a backpack.

8. Take a day off.
No matter how easy you think your pre-planned schedule will be on you, travelling between cities, packing and unpacking, and all that walking is going to make you t-i-r-e-d. Take a day to chill, read, walk around with no real agenda. It may end up being the best day of the whole trip. I promise you, you’ll end up waking up early anyway, and when you are cognizant enough to realize that you don’t have to catch a train or hurry through lunch to be somewhere before the last tour begins, that day will loom before you in all its glory and you’want to break out into a Dean Martin song, it’ll feel so good.

9. This isn’t really a tip, but having someone with you who has been there before is a treasure. Had we not had CB to lead us blindly through train stations and customs, Mom and I would have ended up somewhere in Herzegovina. I never would have known to make sure you date your Eurail pass before you get on the train, or to get in the non-European Union passport line (it seems obvious, I know), or to put my hard boiled egg in an egg plate instead of tearing it apart with my fingers, or to leave our hotel key at the front desk instead it taking it with us when we went out….stuff like that.

10. Don’t be THAT American
Most important, this one. Don’t be that guy that goes to a cafe and asks what kind of cheese options they have for the ham sandwich. Just order it and eat it. It will be delicious.
-Don’t get all huffy because you can’t read the menu. Ask the server what he would suggest and try that. Chances are you’ll love it. If you don’t, you’ll know not to order that again.
-Don’t throw a fit when you realize that the kebap you just ate was made with lamb and not the beef you get at the gyro place in Brentwood. Rather than belittle the local cuisine, find a McDonalds or Burger King.  They’re everywhere.
-Don’t get pissed because you’re going to pay a shit ton for a magnet bearing the likeness of a castle. I can only imagine what magnets go for at Graceland. You’re a tourist. Expect to have those purse-strings tugged.
-Don’t yell. We tend to holler at each other from across the room and proceed to talk loudly. Germans speak relatively softly, and yelling at your travel partners will be sure to draw some ill-infused glares your way.
-Don’t expect people to act the same way they do at home. Observe how people behave in different situations in which you’re not sure how to act and emulate that behavior. And don’t forget to mind your manners! Even in moments where I may not have done what was locally deemed normal, if I knew that I’d been mindful and mannerly, I didn’t chide myself about it. If somebody looked at me cross-eyed for holding the door open for them or something, at least I still felt polite.
-Don’t wear your American flag pins and your bald eagle sweatshirt. You’re proud you’re an American. I’m proud you’re an American. But the people whose land you’re on may not be so proud of your country right now, and could very easily take that out on you. Be careful.

That really wasn’t supposed to be that long. Have you any more? I’m sure there are plenty of things I’m forgetting. On top off all that stuff, invest in some tour books. I loved the Rick Steves books. Never once did he give any bad advice. At least the advice we followed was all good. Feel free to add any other tips, too, especially if you’ve got any good ones specific to certain areas. I’ll be happy to employ them in future travels.